dead

when a person walks out on you or is no longer part of your life, you feel an emptiness compassing you.things which you took granted for have been taken away from you.your mind asks you few tricky questions like do you really miss that individual as a person or just for familiarity sake? have you got so used to the person that you are scared to venture out and look beyond .is it that the sun sets and rises on that person that the others are forever caught in the shadows.do the shadows at times grow larger than the person and we fail to realise the intensity of the situation.is the compatibility or the closeness which one felt and associated himself/herself with disappear over night.the truth is its none of these. you know the truth and your mind is trying to cast a shadow over what the heart says which invariably is true. crafty it is in convincing or creating problems out of simply issues that finally, at the end of the day, only the problems stay and not the heart. you start looking at things from a different perspective at a distance and like people normally say-close people always fight and have misunderstandings because they are so close to see the normalities.crying and bringing the roof down doesnt work..its either black or white. there is no space for shades of gray. only when you lose something, will you really realise how much you loved it when it was present. how much it meant to you and how much of your peace was dependent on it.

PS: the whole write up is about my fastrack watch :P

back to school!!!

business school!! what is a fresher with no hands on experience about the big,bad wolf doing here? no clue...nice..yes...intellectual..hmmm,yes..so much that it sometimes goes above my head... i thought of changing my stream from engineering to management cause being an engineer dint seem to give me any authority to take decisions or implement my views..after attending few hr sessions, i feel its the same bakwaas.. interaction,networking,blah,blah(no offence).. what are we tryin to achieve from a manager? why are we trying to cast everyone in the same mould??be diplomatic,socialise,accept other's decision,open yur mind...so on...in the whole process, i jus feel we lose contact with what we are down at heart.. for some people like me,its fine.. i do talk to a lot of people but couple of my friends find it weird to introduce and strike up a conversation jus for the ehck of it.. the best comedy is the hr people emphasising on their subjects being the key to success and the marketnng guru cuming up with innovative abuses to insult them for doing nothing other than talking...i am not biased agianst that race.. i am again caught between them... when in maths class,seeing probability... i feel i am more of a talking person like hr...hee.. when caught in an hr session,when i see the prof bring up a fake laugh and pretend to be so amiable(mayb she actually is but i always get this feeling hrs r nt to be taken for face value),i feel i am more of this brainy female... yet to decide what i am...

romantic treat!

the last sunday was the best sunday i have had in the recent past...it was a typical lazy day..enough food at disposal and a very comfortable sofa to lounge in and three movies back to back on the tv.. ddlj(dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge),kkhh(kuch kuch hota hai) and knph(kaho na pyaar hai)... they made my day.. nothing to beat shah rukh and his chemistry with kajol.. man, they rock!!

vexed

the situation seemed to get out of hand.. it encompassed all the tumultous feeelings any human being could have possibly felt in his life.a deep sense of anguish set in the pits of my stomach.. a situation, a scene which i dreaded the most seemed to be unfolding its deep,crumpled layers right in front of me.. a premonition which started killing the spirit in me before the actual happening... i started feeling claustrophobic.. the obstinate mule in me started kicking and fighting with the setting resentment and self-pity.. its beautiful lock of hair seemed to be jubiliant .. torn between the internal bleeding and external fighting, i stood watching,mesmerised and with reflexes frozen..the brain tried to protect the mule from getting hurt as the external forces tried to wash away the resentment,outwardly looking as a pacification mechanism but modelled as a trojan horse for growing fear and misery... the wave was black in color with deep yellow and red hues..green did make a presence by riding the crescendo and nullifying the foreboding nature of black.. white was the color which was scarce in the engulfing nightmare.the mule, brave the animal it was couldnt withstand the initial onslaught and staggered on its four strong but trembling legs.. the water reached its hooves..they were stuck to the ground unable to shake the reality and by this time, the water level increased by a foot.. it looked around for some help... everything seemed to be shrouded with darkness and an evil atmosphere seemed to have set in..in the middle of the darkness, a trembling and feeble light seemed to exist at a distance.. it focussed on that light, the saviour of the troubled and helpless..the more and more it saw the light, it seemed to grow bigger and brighter by sight.. waves left unnoticed, the mule was enamoured by the light and it felt a rush of adrenalin in its body.. a sense of power which had deserted it earlier seemed to have come home.. a tiny euphoric feeling passed through it body and with much renewed vigour, it kicked its legs, no longer stuck to the ground.. it started running..its only goal was to find the source of light.. galloping it did.. the more it moved closer to the light,its appearance got transformed.. in the place of a dark mule, was a shining aristocratic unicorn..the character and the purpose neither faltered no disappeared..the light started changing its form..a minute before it looked as majestic as the sun..with the blink of an eye, it was replaced by the cool and complacent attitude trade-mark of the moon.. whatever was the source, the black wave finally seemed to receed and soon became bottled up like a pandora's box.. full of miseries and sufferings bottled up waiting for its next turn..the unicorn suddenly became confused.. it was far away from its mark and the light suddenly seemed like a mirage,an oasis in the desert but only difference was the desert was huge and vast.. it stood royally in the middle looking at all directions for the oasis seemed to have disappeared.. it waited for it to re-appear patiently at first with growing signs of fear.. the fear of the known was unknown to it..it stood waiting for some familiar surroundings and it is waiting...

one mistake of my life

everybody commits mistakes..the gravity of the situation depends on how many years you sit and repent for it. i have committed few knowingly and others attached to a single one came and stuck me like a boomerang... one thing led to another and in the end, to cover up a single mistake i ended up in deep shit..some of my mistakes have been done with too much of foresight and hindsight probings.. i ended up eating my own words. one such thing is joining an engineering college. there is this illusion in any twelfth grade student that an engineering degree is far better than an arts and science(no offence at arts and science).. i too had this problem.. after four years, i feel it is the same shit or sometimes i feel arts would have been a better option.. another realisation was that no matter which college which you study in, its all the same last minute studies before the sems and anna university is one of the biggest hypocritic university i have ever seen. not only does it spoon feed its own students,it screws up the correction of the rest of the colleges and gives rankings based on absolute false data.to be frank, i dont think any sort of knowledge has managed to seep in through my hard skull and thank goodness, none of my sanity slipped the other way too! the reason for this post is that yesterday happened to be my final day in college. i saw groups of people standing here and there lost in feelings and attachment towards the institution..i was as usual in two minds.. whther to stand and act like a hypocrite or just walk off because this is precisely the day i have been wishing for for the last 4 years and there is no point in feeling sad when D-Day finally arrives..after few seconds, i felt ashamed that i even thought of staying back.. lol.. thats how life is. the thing which u hate the most somehow comes back to you at some point of time or the other. never in my wildest dreams had i dreamt of doing my major in electronics when i had left the whole chapter in twelfth jus because i couldnt stand the same.. the only college against which i had reservations for joining in the list of 230 odd colleges, happens to be awarding me the much coveted graduation certificate.i cant make head or tail of accounts and calculas and yet again, these are the ones i am going to be studyin the next two years.. should i say its the irony of life?? forever wishing for the road not taken?

angel on the prowl

yesterday turned out to be an eventful day.. after a long time actually.. it was my class teacher's reception and that by itself wasnt an interesting affair barring the whistles and hoots which made the gentleman on the stage blush and hide his face(he being the class teacher.. lol).. the journey to that place was totally fun.. foremost it involved a travel by the local electric train or the MRTS as it is called( i guess.. nt sure).getting into the train during the peak hour, fallin either side when it starts to leave the station,giggling and talking loudly as if its my college train,the excitement and the anxiety about not boarding the "first class compartments"..for the first time, i found out yday that it is called 9-car or 8-car and the ladies compartments are at the ends .. anyways, its never too late to learn few things ;) .. adding on to the list, is the ability to stand in a rocking train with a 2 inch heels.. from pallavaram(that was wher the reception was happenning), we took an auto.. this part wasnt all that exciting except our talk with the automan on the price rise issue.. he was grumbling about tea being sold at rs.4!! and we asked him about the cost of the vada and how many vadas does he eat??well, we always ask too many questions outside the class!! the return journey was the one which was truly memorable.. i have never ever been at such a distant place at 9'45 in the night.. never have purposely got wet in the rain at a station, stood shivering in the dark(there was a power cut) waiting for the train to arrive..and driving in the rain at10'30.. absolutely heavenly..on the whole, it was a nice time with friends and the public transport system.. i know regular commuters must be cursing me saying it isnt all that fun when u have to travel everyday.. who cares? i enjoyed it!
PS: the food was pathetic there.. i jus had 2 ice creams for dinner :(

accidental blogger

what started out as a boring time-pass or as a means for practising writing skills for my english paper(LOL) has moulded and changed its form appreciably! i am not a frequent blogger.. am far from active in this blogging circle.i write nonsense for fun and i unload my miseries because i get the satisfaction.i dont write posts hoping for few comments in the comments section.i write when i feel like it and this gives me even more pleasure because i am in control of what i do.. as simple as that.. the reason why i decided to pen this post is as simple as what i have been tellin from the starting.. i wanted a post so i am scribbling!! dont u think u shud vote for this post being the most scribbled one ?? :P