perfect evening!

i sat on the chair, in my fourth floor balcony looking out at the tall buildings doting the skyline and the forest stretching out its wide limbs on the other side.there was a slight drizzle dropping down from an overcast sky. dark clouds loomed huge and threatened to come down heavily in few hours.a wave of cool and refreshing breeze hit my face, taking me to a far away world, free from stress and worry. looking up at the skies, the greyness brought about a contented smile on my face. the winter would now extend itself for one more week. i bit into the hot bread pakoda and relished the crispy bread teasing my taste buds. lost in the world of savoring a delicacy and solitude, i close my eyes wishing for a comforting pair of arms to encircle me...

downs and... more downs

one thing which i learnt well in the recent past is that i hate being consoled with cliches like there is always a second time or life will get better over time... i have also decided in the future if at all someone feels bad about themselves, i would rather feed them practical inputs than boring them with these one liners.. everybody knows if something dreadful has happened that it is indeed dreadful. why do people still console as if nothing actually happened? would they buy this story if they had been at the receiving end?? i feel life is really testing my enduring capabilities.. one step which i keep forward is being rewarded with two steps backward.. how long will this go on till i stop walking?

yet another scribbling

when i opened the main blogger page, i realised how long it has been since i penned down my last post. more than blogging, now i feel i am losing my control over the language after starting my mba. whether am learning enough hindi or not, my english has gone for a toss. i finally realised that mentally i might be criticizing them for their poor english and reality is that i myself have become like them.. so this is an attempt to regain the lost grounds...

ups and downs

It joins you in your joy but not when you are sad.

It is always like that and you have to accept it,

Or your life like a useless candle will never be lit.

When I look into the pages of my past again,

I know it has always been the cause of my pain.

In my sadness it made me just sadder,

And it pretended to be my success ladder.

It is to be blamed for what I am today,

I am today called mad and kept away.

As a play toy I was tossed and turned in the hands of fate,

At the same time experiencing both love and hate.

And when it came to naming my misery,

People called it a mere game of destiny.

I was told to live with what I had,

Even if my condition was pathetic and bad

I was left to myself all alone,

Out from the society I was thrown.

Like an unlucky animal or some filthy creature,

In front of me I could see my uncertain future.

I then realized that there was no use crying,

No one would look up even if I was dying.

So I revolted; but the world proved me mad,

It was then I concluded that the world was bad.

achille's heel

every morning is yet another morning. every hurried bite of hard bread with the cheapest butter constitutes yet another breakfast. never ending classes which are enough to send anyone crazy and mad happen everyday. this monotony brings in a quest for something more, something which will offset everything else faced till now, something without which you can go through this mundane life,something which is ever blooming amidst dark scenario,something without which you can not live...even if this " something" exists for a very short duration, it is worth the wait...

typical B school syndrome

one thing which i learnt after coming to a B school is that things are not what they are thought to be. after sometime, everyone here starts questioning why at all did they come here in the first place? some realise it in the first 4 months itself, some take one year..be it an experienced person or a fresher, MBA is not what it looks like from outside. everyone here is driven by a manifested,mirage goal of outsmarting the other person. no person is the same after a stint in a B school. even the most innocent creature is transformed into someone who is manipulative and extremely opportunistic. its not that there is cut throat competition. i would say there is a cut throat competition on whom next to stab from behind.you cannot blame them. thats how it is. you cannot take people for their face value and you often end up testing a genuine product for a long time and believing a faulty product at the first instant. life teaches you to beware the second time but it doesnt teach you when or with whom should you beware about.life teaches you that you have to be able to self sustain and come what may, do not ever depend on anyone because you will only be let down if they dont live upto your expectation. life teaches you to cover up your emotional self in order to live like yet another MBA grad trying to outsmart the rest. what life doesnt teach is how to cope up with blind accusations against you about not caring for the other person enough. life doesnt teach you how you can convince yourself that the drama which everyone is trying to act is actually not worth it. this is one drama in which everyone wants to be the hero and the heroine. people are confused on what they actually want. they want normal friends, friends like how they had before they joined here. at the same time, they try to convince themselves that they are not here to make friends. everyone here has come with a purpose, a goal of getting a fat salary and family, society teaches you to do everything under your control to reach your own goal. the point of conflict arises when they want others to be the way they were before they joined and they want themselves to be the way they aspire to be. to add to the confusion, people outside, the ones who are still stuck to the mirage about MBA feel that you have changed. nobody understands that you are yet another mouse caught in the giant mouse trap trying to catch the food without getting trapped.life is funny. you do everything to get it and when you actually get it, you no longer want it in earnest...

tracing the way back

sometimes we get sad when a person close to us decides to move away or is bound by the fangs of life which makes he/she move away ...missing the other person starts even when she hasnt really moved out of the life as yet.. i am one of those persons who sits and preaches saying distance doesnt matter and it still is possible to stay in contact with any person across the globe... the point of differentiation comes when i realise that staying in contact and really being there for your friend. some people dole out philosophies saying when you lose something, it just means you will get a replacement of the same kind in the near future.. when you lose a friends, u will get another one in the new place or someone whom you would have never considered before might become closer to you..in times like this, it would be better to concentrate on what we really want in life.. the beautiful nest with small birds at the top of the tree or the branches and twigs which helped us in reaching the nest..if you become attached to the branch, you will never reach the nest for the fear of leaving the branch behind.. does it mean you are opportunistic or does it mean you forget people who have helped you at some point of life? nope, it just means you have a far more purposeful goal in your life and those who have helped you would be more happy to see you achieve yours than to see your failure due to the impedement caused by them...when you are in near the nest, you obviously have the whole tree to yourself.. its like eating the cake and having it too.. its about deciding when to stop eating and start keeping it...people who understand this would not shed their twigs due to sorrow but would be like the eternal spring,full of bloom and joy...only when you are alone, you realise how nice it is to be alone.. this realisation doesnt make you a lesser socialite or a recluse.. it means something... you are at peace with yourself...