Monday, September 17, 2007

age factor

when i was in the first grade, i used to look wistfully at the fifth grade students wondering when i will be in that grade.when i finally did land up in the fifth grade, my eyes began to look at the middle school students and so it continued till my eyes were set on the twelfth people... i wondered when will people call me"akka" and ask for my help in their subjects. i wondred when i would be old enough to vote of get my driving license. the worst part is that when i did get my driving license, i dint experience any of the jubiliation which i had thought i would go through in my early years of my existence.the curious fact was that when i was in fifth, i regarded the tweflth students as being very old and when i myself, came to that position, i was this ever growing kid of my mummy..and when i thought my wishes will finally cease, i started thinking how good and better it would be when i enroll myself in college. and yes, the same nivya-syndrome started in the first year of my college too.. i wanted to be in the third year.. now that i have recently had my 19th birthday, i suddenly realize how old i have actually become.. i now realise what my mum meant by" enjoy your school days, they wont come back to you..." i now yearn to go back to ym school days which were seriously heaven.. now as the years roll by, i suddenly dont want to grow up and become that responsible person that everyone is expected to become at some point of time or the other.i dont want to go to the fourth year for i fear what will happen to me when i pass out of , when i look back at the younger ones, i feel they are feeling the same thing which i myself faced... they want to be in my position and i, in theirs... i look at the school going kids wishing that i could go back to those days of playing on the streets and coming back with the soiled clothes..when i wanted to earn and be independent in fifth standard, people said that it can wait for few more years . now the same people are advising me on taking up a job whereas i am expecting the same old reassurance that it can wait for a few more years. the actual thought of working doesnt scare me as much as the thought of getting the tag line"she is ready for marriage". i have seen many females succumb to this plot woven by the parents. first settle in a job and then the bridegroom comes in search of you. i have nothing against the insstitution of marriage . its just that i feel it would be too much of burden and responsibility placed on my tender shoulders and i dont want to end up one in the millions of girls who end up marrying just because that was next in the agenda. in that sense, i feel i dont think like i am 20. the mind is still caught up in its innocence and its refusal to believe that the world has, indeed changed and its orthodox ways is making me a rebel..