closure

i met her first five years back.she was a baby then and is still to some extent.we shared more than a few laughs and every morning,afternoon and night was spent in the bliss of innocence and ignorance.we basked together in the sunshine as if we had been shut in complete darkness till then.no place was left unvisited,no trick untried,life went on at a rapid pace as if there was no tomorrow.thoughts,feelings,treasured memories of childhood came to be shared between the two of us and the little,cherished or unhappy situations spun an invisible thread of closeness .between the two of us, nothing was left to be unravelled.days passed,misunderstandings started to crop up.distance made the hearts yearn for each other and when brought closer,began to spew fire and venom. the souls started to drift apart.the collosal damage was sensed at both the ends.ego,taking things for granted,complacent attitude lent support to the situation.from somehwere,there came another soul with the hope of finding a new light,like a firefly attracted to the source of light with full joy and curiosity of the unknown.the sheer sense of loneliness and boredom drove these together.the river changed its course and the old course started to dry.the civilisations which once flourished on the banks started to disappear.the numbers started to dwindle.the able moved for better places in search of livelihood. a sense of anticipation and anguish spread through them. the collapse of the known and the lack of knowledge of the unknown sent a chill across their spines.not the type of dwelling too much in the past,they were grateful for the happy times spent. they moved on.it was then that they concluded:it was the end of an era...

atidevin

she read so many novels that she ended up losing her mind. she had people call her ayvin(her real name was atidevin):she thought she was a princess(she was a peasant's daughter),she imagined herself to be yound and beautiful(she was forty years old).finally she invented a lover herself to whom she gave the name don quixote .she said don quixote had departed for far away kingdoms in search of adventures and danger,both to perform worthy deeds and to be able, on his return, to marry a damsel of her noble character.she spent all the time peering out of the window waiting for the return of the nonexistent knight.ayrus, a poor devil who loved her,struck on the diea of passing himself as don quixote.he put on an old suit of armour,mounted his horse and set forth to repeat the deeds which ayvin attributed to her lover.when sure of success of his strategy, he returned back to the town;ayvin had died

making the sad happy

you're bound to think i am a liar:but i've never felt happy.i dont know what happiness means. as far back as i can remember i've never known what it is like.i smile, of course,but without joy.i feel absolutely nothing,not even sadness.i just smile.
people often ask me," how do you manage to smile, then?" i have to admit that i dont' know.what happens usually is that i'm with a group of friends and there's plenty of amusement.since i am absent minded i very soon forget about it.when i think about it again, the group is gone.
does this mean i smile under hynosis,in some kind of dissociated state?certainly not. io said that this usually happens.but not always.sometimes i rememebr that the smile is plastered on my face.but that doesnt stop me from smiling all the same.
naturally, i've tried having a long face.but that didnt work.i got sadder and sadder. i gave up just in time. a little loner i would have died of self imposed misery without knowing it.this experience frightened me so much that i now smile all the time.that way i dont worry.my smile looks genuine and i have to keep the machine going .for other people,sadness provides a warning:since i am deprived of it i have to be doubly careful.as i said earlier am absent minded.to forget would be fatal.i prefer to smile all the time: its safer.i realise too that wheb i dont smile i become nervous and irritable, and dont know what to do about it. in the streets, i am frequently accosted by less fortunate people dressed in rags.they gaze at me with fever-bright eyes and stammer"we're misrable" i look at them with hatred.they eat only a crust of bread every month and they are happy at that time.happy are you? i say to them nastily "you're lucky".

sobs rattle their throats.shudders wrack them.eventually they more off with slow hesitant steps.as for me,i go to the nearest laughter club i see.will the miracle occur? my heart beats fast as i give the first smile.a terrible despair overwhelms me. nothing.nothing at all.no happiness.i take revenge by laughing out loud,like someone drowning thier sorrow in drink.
i leave the club weighed down with food and hatred.for i'm becoming bitter.i'm beginning to detest other people,people who are happy.i hate them.after all, thinking about people who are sad while i'm smiling is the only pleasure left to me!

soul stirring

following is the list of my all time favourites which i felt should definitely be mentioned over here

1)one of my personal favourites in the melody section is the song"yamunai aatrile" from thalapathy. what a woman! shobhana looks absolutely gorgeous and the song is so so nice. i like the lighting also in that song.the sunset fits in perfectly

2)netru illatha madham from pudhu mugam reason: the high pitch and the lyrics esp lines like" gangai neerun suvai kadhalum serum varai kavidhai variyun suvai artham puriyum varai " these might look simple yet make sense.

3) another song from the same movie is kannuku mai azhagu. i prefer the male version better .

4) pogathe song from deepavali under yuvan's composition

5) athangara maname song though am still not sure which movie this one was featured in but i seriously like mano's energy in this duet.

6) if english was considered then the " its only words" by the now nonexistent boyzone can be included.

7)pudhu velai mazhai from roja. i like the picturisation too :P

the list goes on but these are the few which came to my mind now .feel free to add more :D

crazy life

final year project!!! these words might send a chill acroos many a spine but it seems to have absolutely no effect on this angelic devil! damn arrogant statement, i know! i have finally understood how a s/w employee goes about his work- clocking in nine and half hrs of work everyday,morning and evening one mug of tea,browsing through all the websites which dnt get blocked,realising that he has few tasks to be completed at 4 in the evening and staying at office till 9 (psst: we being gals.. dunno abt the guys though) .well, these are all few excerpts from my life in visteon... and i hope the list continues in the next post ;)

welcomin yet another yr

finally i have grown up!! this year i decided i am not going to make any resolution as making is tough and sticking to them is tougher. i myself have got bored of forever wishing that my room should be clean enough,blah blah.. i guess this is what they call with age comes wisdom.. lol!but still i had a blast !! and started it off with a whacky thing. i am not gonna promise the whole world that i will henceforth take bloggin seriousl as ths is the nth time i am tellin that to myself.. happy new yr guys!!

contrasts!!

first year - five hours of orkut everday with a minimum of 100 scraps and heated discussion on where to explore regarding food after college
final year - five minutes of orkut(contemplating on deleting that account) and places.. no discussion.. no place in the near by area has been left unvisited
first year - couldnt wait for the clock to strike one of clock( the watchman goes to the canteen to have his lunch then) to pick up the bag and run away from the college( litearlly... we used to run past the gate and hop inside an auto)
final year - the count of watchmen have been increased from one to five and its highly impossible to go past all five of them with your bag,etc,etc...
first year - coffee shop!! that one word was enough to get us motivated .. we even used to compare the cold chocolate to the one in ccd.. and all of us used to land up in deep slumber after the tea break( PS: one of my frnd even went to the extent of suspecting drugs in the milkshake)
final year - cold chocolate ah.. no way hot cuppa chai sounds better... so we head to the canteen nowadays!!
first year- the ' GANG' actually ragged a senior jus because he claimed that he possessed the only green colored bike in the college..
final year - the same gang finds none of the junior fit enough to be ragged... lol...
first year- there was no confusion in this.. everybody was senior to us and invariable became" anna" (PS: we werent friendly to a single akka ..)
final year - there is stil no confusion.. everybody is junior to us and not even a single guy to call anna ( PS: we are still not friendly with the junior gals.. something to do with the gal clan i guess)
first year- cried on failing in physics mid sem by a matter of 3 marks
final year- rolled on the floor seeing single digit marks in all 6 subjects( PS: friend of mine reckons that even if i total all the marks, it wudnt cross the pass mark of fifty)
and the list continues........