absolutely nothing to do

its during this time that my mind absolutely stops working...i am sitting at home waiting for my joining date and enjoying every bit of it...what do i like the most?? the very fact that i can watch the television without feeling guilty about wasting time or feeling that there is something else to do...hostel life leaves you wishing for some other furniture to sit on other than your bed...so i find my sofa a welcome relief....this relief has become my second bed as i practically live on it with all my necessities at an arm's distance away from me...yeah, you get it..i have become a couch potato...simply amazing....read novels, eat every goddamn stuff which is in kitchen, try out recipes when you are in the mood, and well...sleep blissfully...i probably enjoy this time more for the very fact that i feel i will never get this time back...coming online to check mails by itself sounds like a job to me nowadays....i hardly feel like coming online, chat endlessly with my far flung friends because coming online and whiling away the time reminds me so much of my b school days and that gets me quickly into a depression...well, not quite a depression...close to it....so here i am...in a new world which just cant get more idealistic :D

detachment

how much ever i read of philosophy, the one which strikes out is the concept of detachment...how can one not remain detached? if you have to remain detached, tat means u have to conscious of each and every minute to remind urself tat yes, i shudnt get attached...which in turn means tat you are nt being urself..u r nt giving 100% towards doing the work...its a vicious circle...the more you remind urself, the more u think about the idea, the more you think abt the idea, the more attached you become, the more attached you become, the more sad you will be once it fails, this sadness will make you go back to the concept of detachment and make urself promise that it wont happen again...and it starts all over again...

something positive...

onething i realised after going thru my blog is that i always write wen am sad...why cant i write wen i am happy,jubiliant or even neutral for that matter? probably because the creativity is best at the negative extreme...probably...well, this post is to show that i am happy now and i did think of this cribbing page even when am happy...and i intend to keep it this way for sometime :)

LIfe is a game

i look at either side of the alley, with my rifle ready, for any other human form.my extra sensory ears are working at
their peak performance rate, listening to any sounds coming from any direction in the fort.i am an amateur in this game
and hence, pretty apprehensive about the rules and the know how of the game.i proceed further down with the same caution
my long time friend calls out to me, making me halt and raise my rifle in caution. he approaches and gives an idea that
"lets take the enemies down together". united we stand. i listen to his idea and think yeah, i do trust him.
it makes more sense. lets do it together. so together, we move on the unknown path leading us through the pits of danger, whirpool of
emotions ranging from fear, anxiety to jubiliance to the final stage of victory. i take care of the ammunition part
of aimless firing at all the directions, just looking enough to ensure that someone has fallen down. brainy tactics,
i have always lacked.covering my various achilles heels, i have always done.

He takes care of analysing the route to be taken from the parched map of this old fort which we carried in our jacket.
he loudly thinks over the strategy which we should opt for. how many enemies are we likely to encounter in which all
paths, would the terrain be rough for us to compete effectively, would the same factor hamper other people from taking
the same path,how would we take the enemies down, will it be simply by firing, or do we have to throw our limited supply
of explosives.so yeah, with every possible issue covered by the two of us, yeah mostly by him, we marched forward in
the most congested and the most difficult path of all. high risks, high gains. that was our motto.one, two, we take them
by surprise and clever manipulation.
blood, gory scenes, bodies flung on either side of our route,i try to turn my heart into a stone.i feel the
deep sense of anguish and start to question the cause for our actions. is it necessary? cant we do without it? he tries
to convince me that it is necessary for the survival of the fittest. we need to fight it out and that i need to be
grateful to have more information and the deep forethought of my partner which many others lack.grateful i am,questioning
the outcome i did.
during the course of our journey, there was a general shift of our well defined responsibilities. i started helping him
in charting out our path and redefining our objectives.my rusted brain, started shining vibrantly, bringing forth all the
vicious and manipulative ideas which we decorated and presented to the world as effective strategy for moving forward.

we finally reached the top of the fort after a gruelling climb, both physically and emotionally.i for one was jubilliant.
we made it to the top. 100 metres away lay the goal post which would soon declare us to be the winners.almost everyone
whom we knew had been taken down in our rise to the top. obsessed with the goal, we were.with these thoughts, i looked
at my side to give a jubiliant smile to my long standing partner who had helped me so much. there was just pure air and
the scenery from the top beyond.the reality struck deep inside me.a mix of a figment of my own imagination and the angel
whom i had trusted had brought me to where i was. shocked, i decided to finish the game started by me by moving forward
to collect my trophy near the goal post.as i was moving ahead, a shot of sharp pain cruised my veins from my leg. it was
excruciable. i started stumbling while another shot of pain danced its way through my spinal cord. i turned back in vain.
i saw her smiling face while i fell down, helplessly 10 metres away from the goal post.

serendipity

foggy days, cold winters..the view from the balcony seconded that...i see him across the table..a twinkle in his eyes,the upturned corner of his lip...i have been ranting about my roommate for the last half hour over a cup of coffee and a muffin..at the end of it when i managed to get a glimpse of his face, i knew he had not been listening to a syllable of it...my breath got caught half way,looking at those eyes offering a promise of something delightful, something i have been waiting for a long time, that something...sigh! all conversation and the grumbling vanished out of my mind and it became as blank as a sheet of paper...blank it was, waiting to be splashed with splendid colors in all possible shapes and designs..trepidation mixed with excitement,confluence of shyness and raunchy emotions, confused yet having a clear vision of what looked like the inevitable outcome, i sat mesmerized by the smile...my wicked brain started coming up with different conceptualizations...those eyes sensed what was going on in my brain and assured me just that...or probably more than that...hypnotized and unable to process or make any move, i nervously licked my lips awaiting the lead...a spark of desire intermingled with love i saw getting reflected in his eyes...he stood up suddenly...confused as always, with raised eyebrows conveying what i wanted to, i stood up too...he extended his hand waiting for me to take up the challenge...not to be the type to get intimidated ,i accepted it...hand in hand, we went inside...

Optimism

I was never a believer of all the talks which happen on surrounding yourself with positive energy, positive thoughts, dont think negatively, blah blah...off late, i feel it might be true...consider the situation in my undergrad...i was forever flunking in most of the interim exams only to have a blemish free final university examinations..i did get my first class with distinction finally...between the bouts of flunking, i never ever thought that i will ever flunk in my semesters...is this classified as a positive thought? may be, i am not too sure...coming to my post grad studies, its just the reversal..never did i think that i will pass..and sometimes it did happen that i dint...now, this is a case of concern..named as a forever worrier and a pessimistic, i am not too glad about this title as never ever have i had the experience of being so...trying my level best, i am. but in vain...still trying...how i wish i could turn back time...

Wish list 2011

Here are few of the places where i wanna go next year by hook or crook...
1. Machu picchu - Inca civilization
2. Venice - gondola rides
3. Scotland- Gerrard + PS i love you hang over
4. Ladakh - pristine beauty
5. Goa - beaches and mmmm sexy clothes
6. Singapore- nearest foreign destination worth the money
7. New Zealand - awesome locale
8. Egypt - towering pyramids and the sands
9. the western ghats- forests,waterfalls,winding roads,beaches
10.Paris- oomph..city of love!