'pee'losophy

my heart tells me that this is the street where i used to live some ten years ago but my mind tells me an all together different story.. i cant recognise any of the houses and i look about searching for the uncle who used to always wish me good morning early in the morning at 8'30 ( the time when i used to leave home for college) and the other guy who used to tease me for always being on the mobile... i feel like i have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.. everything looks bizarre and i dont have any wish to be in this part of the world... the whole feeling of nostalgia ditched me and in its place, came a new found sense of isolation.. i search desperately for some familiar sign only to be disappointed again... i suddenly noticed that there was a whole new bunkch of kids playing on the streets. atleast my common sense dint ditch me and i hadnt expected the same bunch of kids to be playing gully cricket after ten years..the look of curiosity in thier eyes matched the look of belonging in my eyes.. i yearned to be recognised by someone and this feeling made me want to creep back inside the car taking me back to the place where everybody knew me and somewhere i belonged... i proceeded down the road unabashed by their looks...i saw that in the place of a mango sapling, now stood a mango tree.. this whole new atmosphere lent a feeling of insecurity and claustrophobia.. i did realise everything and everybody have to change in due course of time but least expected everything to happen in a matter of few years.. i curse those many years which kept me away from my people...the whole purpose of journey was to envisage my house- my home where i grew up .. i finally catch a glimpse of a ruined house and in my heart, i send a prayer upwards ,praying it shouldnt be mine... alas, god also chose to desert me at this instant.. i recognised the weathered color n the walls,the ivy which had started growing on the window sill which, had now managed to conquer the whole house,the iron gate which looked like it was about to crumble unable to take in the gravity of the situation,the ledge on which my mum used to dry the curry leaves to make those mouth watering dishes,the moss covered outhouse which used to house the car.. without realising, few tears of anguish escaped my eyes and i suddenly realised what my mum went through when she saw the school in which she had studied some forty years back..my heart couldnt bear the weight of this collosal disappointment... then did i hear a passer-by comment saying "maybe she has come to buy this bhoot-bangala".. i felt like screaming at her back saying this is no such bangala and this has gone through the same events which every other house goes through- children have played in this very verandah,kitchen used to be functioning in fullswing,many people have passed through thi very creeky gate which had guarded a household..the lost glory could no way be told to some ignorant junta.. i close my eyes retrospecting what went wrong and the the picture of the house which i remembered flashed through my mind .. it felt like it was only yesterday when i ahd packed my belongings for relocating to the US...everthing has a life time and this apparently has finished its... i walk back with a heavy heart ,wishing i could stop the passages of time and live forever .. in the present.....